I am pretty sure some of you think that I have died. I haven’t, and that is very reassuring to myself, and perhaps it will be to others, as well. However, just because I am not dead does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean that things are peachy. This whole real life thing strikes again, and as much as I wish I could find a balance between real life and fun, happy, cathartic blog life, I just can’t. Or couldn’t. Until today…
There are only two people who visit my blog who knew me prior to my life as a sometimes-blogger began. Both get it. But today, I am contemplating telling a third person… Someone I see very regularly, and whose company I actually enjoy. And the idea of ‘coming out of the closet’ got me thinking.
The reason (or one very important one) I have such a hard time balancing my time is because the gap between the two aspects of my life is just so very wide. Two different characters, in two different plays. Transitioning between the two is time consuming. To play my role in one, I am required to change costume, makeup, the scenery, my thoughts, my words, from the other. That’s pretty darn hard to do. Exhausting, sometimes.
So it’s easier to stay fully in one character for as long as I can, until I can turn my attention to the other.
But now, I wonder if I should work towards bridging the gap. Perhaps finding a way to integrate all my many ‘me’s into one ‘me’. The mere thought scares me, but if both Ash and Sybil could do it, why can’t I?
So that’s what is on my mind. We will see where it goes. In other news, my boys are still pushing me ever closer to institutionalization and all my favorite reality TV shows are wrapping up. Summer can not get here fast enough!
{ 20 comments }
I have a handful of people who cross from real-preblog life to blog life. I’m not sure they get it, but they seem to be enjoying the ride!
Jo´s last blog ..Before and After
Oh thank goodness. Ignore the State Trooper who will be knocking on your door in the next couple of days. Well, don’t ignore, but you know what I mean.
And oh baby, do I get the to tell or not to tell. I’m having an extremely difficult time getting back into the swing of things as “Ash” – bizarre, no? Probably also because my mother is reading now. Big mistake. Huge.
Sorry your boys are pushing. I need you back here though. I need to complain about my Oldest and how he’s moving towards being a Moody Tween. I miss you telling me to just wait, it’ll only get worse
You’ve been missed!!
Ash´s last blog ..Serving up potluck – Nirvana style.
I have only a couple of real life friends that I’ve trusted to find me in blog-land. Some get it, some don’t. As long as WE get it, that’s all that matters to me…
I’m keeping you a seat warm in the asylum for Troubled Moms of Teens – Ciao bella, we’ve missed you and been worried about you – Juggling, as we all are, I know… x
Fhina´s last blog ..Musings on a Crystal Ball..
I’m fascinated by this. Not to trivialize what you’re talking about in anyway, but it is fascinating to me that so many write on the internet for anyone and everyone to discover, yet no one in their day to day, face to face lives know they write the blog. (Just to be clear — no judgment here. Just honest interest and curiosity in regards to the illusion of a secret place on the internet.)
I like reading what you have to say, so it’s nice to see you here.
e.
Elizabeth (@claritychaos)´s last blog ..Indulge me.
Sometimes wish less real life people knew about my blog, sometimes I feel so censored by everyone I know reading my blog (okay not reading but knowing about it.) I guess it’s a good thing though because it would probably be a bad thing for me to let my mouth run too much and then have unintended readers stumble upon my words.
By the way, I have been missing you terribly. I’ve been feeling like real life is tugging at me and winning out over blogging a lot more lately too.
Catherine ´s last blog ..Farmhouse White Loaf
I’ve missed you! I was getting worried (did you not see the tweets, young lady?)
Much love to you, all of yous.
Heather of the EO´s last blog ..My accent thanks you from Minnahsohtah
I missed you!
I have a few invited real life friends who read my blog. No one at work has any idea…
I think it’s ok to pick and choose who you let in.
I missed you too, my friend! And I’ll be here no matter what you decide; do what’s right for you!
YEAH!!! You are not dead!!! I totally thought you were. For sure.
I totally get this post as I am currently living in my real life in full color and the white space has been hard to get into.
So yeah why the hell not? Bridge the gap right? It can be a birthday present to yourself.
I’ve missed ya dude…..hope to connect soon.
Lee
Lee´s last blog ..Goodbye To My Supermom
This is what I get for being busy and too preoccupied to read people’s posts. Your phrase about changing characters reminds me of the short story from the Martian Chronicles where the martian dies from trying to shape shift over and over. I do hope that you can find a happy medium and be able to integrate all of yourselves together. Here’s a post that relates to your condition:
http://cajoh.blogspot.com/2008/12/be-true-to-yourself-as-your-own-self.html
The best of skill in accomplishing your goal,
Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)´s last blog ..F2: Sweet and Sour Fish
How ODD that you and I would choose the same day to lift our heads above ground level and come back for “Just a few more words”. My blog was becoming a job. I was trying to please everyone and forgot about myself, etc. etc. I hope we both manage to find balance.
dana´s last blog ..LIFE IS ALOT LIKE TENNIS, COMPLETE WITH BACKHANDS, BUT SOMETIMES YOU ALSO GET TO JUMP THE NET.
You know how much I miss you, right? Although, I am spending all my time putting out fires and guess what? They don’t consider mother of Teen boys a diagnosis??? I tried!! There totally should be a prescription for that one!
Hang in there babe, and don’t worry so much what we, your imaginary friends, or they, your real life peeps think! Just BE!!
Love you!
Harlene´s last blog ..Let Freedom Ring….
Hey girlie, how’s it hanging. I think integrity is a worthy thing, but I think it can be just as exhausting as having secrets. Sometimes I think that. Other times I have no idea. Make that MOST times, I have no idea. Speaking of secrets, it’s been a year since ours leaked out. Can you believe it? A whole year? I’d love to hear your retrospective thoughts sometime. Talk to me. LAB
OK, I’m sending the State Trooper back. Answer the door this time…
Ash´s last blog ..Let’s address the elephant, or the donkey, in the room.
Our thoughts run in such similar patterns. (I’ve been completely loco lately and my proper blog reading has suffered…I had to come looking for you
) I guess I shouldn’t say I’m thinking like you and then say I’m loco…….
anyway. The ONLY people I know IRL who know that I blog are my family. I’ve been wondering if I should be more open and what, if any, ramifications there might be. I wonder if I could handle the pressure; pressure which would largely come from myself. People who make a facebook badge, etc. must have really thick skin. I asked my daughter if I should and she said no. Cuz she knows what a wimp I am. I cringe when I think of my neighbors or people I went to H.S. reading anything I’ve written.
This isn’t helpful for you at all. I’m sorry…I’m very interested to see what you decide.
xoxo
I hear you loud and clear.
Besides life having other plans for me (unexpected pregnancy when I was totally done with that part of life!), my dad decided to go searching the web and found my site and told his 13 brothers and sisters and the rest of my huge family! I may never go to another family gathering again and feel horribly exposed and it has paralyzed me from writing anything “real”… so, apparently, I just ramble on other people’s comments now!
Good luck with your decision.
Happiest of Happy Birthdays my dear Deb!!!!!!!!
Hope to see you soon – Love, Ash
Ash´s last blog ..Sunday Funnies
Happy Happy Birthday to you!!!! Missing you…
Heather of the EO´s last blog ..The girl who lived on the lake
Blogging happens in cycles, so I have discovered. Sometimes it’s full swing and sometimes it’s a slow swing or even an empty swing.
Are you trying to tell us that you are not really the owner of dirty socks? No dirty pizza in your house?
Gah. I’m sooooo disappointed. *grin*
On the other hand, I hope you have a wonderful b-day and CAKE! A b-day is NOT a b-day without cake.
I’m always happy to read your blog.
First off – Happy Birthday!
2nd – I have not told any of my IRL friends or family that I have a blog. I don’t think I ever will. I wrestled with it for over a year or so and have now fully decided that I will not share this part of ME. The reasoning is this . . . there are things / topics / subjects / rants on my blog that I would never let my IRL friends be privy too. So why should I suddenly decide that it is okay for them to have that much access to my life. Won’t happen. My brother knows I have a blog. I have printed off a few posts for him to read . . . which he thinks are amazing . . he actually told me he got to know me better by reading these posts . . . BUT – BUT – he does not know the name of my blog!!
Good luck with your decision to come out or stay quiet
Tiaras´s last blog ..I ♥ Faces~Faces and Flowers
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